I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
