her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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