Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
