Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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