OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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