D3 body, D1 cock
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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