After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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