AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
