So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
