They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
