you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im holly from the hills drunk
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
