why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
