I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
