are you still at the devil's house?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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