Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
