Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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