This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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