There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
