I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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