hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
