so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
