check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
