Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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