what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
