Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
