What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
