I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
