There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
