so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
