our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
dude. I can hear the air.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
