First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
