i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
