Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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