the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
