we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
