I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am available for nakedness
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
