i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
