How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
