Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
