Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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