I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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