She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
