Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
