Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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