this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
