I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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