i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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