why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
