Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
