I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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