bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
