What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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