we're chasing vodka with high fives
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
