the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
