but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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