I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
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