What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
